New goals, less confusion

           I'm guessing this is just a blogging week for me. I don't know. haha I feel like since I blogged a few days ago that my goals and plans are starting to come together. I'm honestly thinking about becoming a nurse. It's a scary thought to think about, but at the end of the day I think it is for me. I want to be a labor and delivery nurse. When I was a little girl I was always watching that show on TLC where they show the story of the man and woman having the baby, and then you get to experience them having the birth. I loved it.
            I feel like there is a lot of career advancement available for nurses. I want to become a nurse, and then after being experienced for a year or two I want to be come a nurse-midwife. I might even go back to school and become a nurse practitioner. Who knows. There are so many ways that I can advance myself. I can also become certified in other areas as well. I also realized that I can still can be apart of Doctors without borders because they take RN's and nurse-midwives. That would be my ultimate goal. I think my family can do without me for a year or so.
           Things are definitely looking up in that aspect, but I still want to take a semester off. Then in the fall I will be in nursing school. I still have to figure out where I want to do that. I'm torn between UALR or the Baptist Health school of nursing. Guess I need to start doing some research. I've also been doing some job searching for more roles with babies and expecting moms. I'm real serious about wanting to get some more experience. I want to be a labor and delivery nurse right out of nursing school (if possible), and I believe that if I start now then I will be a better candidate. :)
             I am so ready to go to Massachusetts. I think I just need a few weeks out of this state. I want to go on adventures, and do things with my best friend. I want to clear my head, and just...go wild...respectively of course. I'm hoping that I can get off of work for 2 weeks. If I'm going to be up there, I might as well stay a while and get my feet wet...right? Well I guess the term would be to get my feet cold. I want to see NYC, and build a snowman. The simple stuff..ya know? More importantly is that I want to see Olivia. It has been so long. It isn't even funny.
            The last thing I wanted to talk/vent about is the fact that I am a little scared. I feel like there is so much anxiety, and I don't know what to do. It's hard to open up about it on a blog, but I just feel closed and trap. I feel like I can't breathe. Ever get that feeling? Well I better get off here and stop blabbering on.

Drowned in confusion

Lately, I have had a change of heart when it comes to my future job plans. New factors set in that shouldn't neccicarily be factors. I'm trying to just concentrate on school, but lately all I can think about is the future. I feel like I know what I want in life, and that is not to be a doctor. The idea is nice, but there are certain factors that are making me not want to go all the way. For example, I want a family. I want to have children. Now, I am not saying that doctors can't have children,  in fact I know they can.  I don't want to be 30 and just start having kids, yet I don't want to be in med school and have to worry about being a mom during that time. Also, I want to have time for my kids. I don't want to have to worry about being on call all the time, and not being there. I don't want to miss their lives. My career isn't going to go above my family. How silly am I? Barely 21 and thinking about such things. I know I have to fall in love first and get married. It's just confusing, and it's annoying. What is even worse is that there is only one person I want to talk about this with, and I can't talk to them because I am not currently in communication with them. Yet I feel that that person has more pull on it than anything. I don't know what to do. I have decided to take a semester off of school. Don't worry, I will go back. haha I just need a semester to focus on me. I just want a semester off so I can work, and see what the future can hold. I'm getting really interested in Labor and Delivery, and maybe even being a nurse. Who knows. I just know that going to school is confusing things for me. So what will I be doing on this semester break? Work, Work, and more work.. I do plan on going to Massachusetts for 2 weeks at the first of the year to visit my best friend Olivia. Oli Olive I call her. Maybe I just need a change of pace for a while. I believe a trip up north will do the trick. I'm so lucky to have a friend like Olivia. She's always there when I need her. Plus I can be myself around her....even if I am totally goofy and dorky. I can also tell her my troubles and expect to hear good advice. She doesn't tear me down. So Oli, if you read this...thank you. You make things so much clearer. I'm hoping I will figure everything out soon, and I will make sure to keep posted on my process of thinking and decision. Who knows what this life has in store for me... who knows.