I'm guessing this is just a blogging week for me. I don't know. haha I feel like since I blogged a few days ago that my goals and plans are starting to come together. I'm honestly thinking about becoming a nurse. It's a scary thought to think about, but at the end of the day I think it is for me. I want to be a labor and delivery nurse. When I was a little girl I was always watching that show on TLC where they show the story of the man and woman having the baby, and then you get to experience them having the birth. I loved it.
I feel like there is a lot of career advancement available for nurses. I want to become a nurse, and then after being experienced for a year or two I want to be come a nurse-midwife. I might even go back to school and become a nurse practitioner. Who knows. There are so many ways that I can advance myself. I can also become certified in other areas as well. I also realized that I can still can be apart of Doctors without borders because they take RN's and nurse-midwives. That would be my ultimate goal. I think my family can do without me for a year or so.
Things are definitely looking up in that aspect, but I still want to take a semester off. Then in the fall I will be in nursing school. I still have to figure out where I want to do that. I'm torn between UALR or the Baptist Health school of nursing. Guess I need to start doing some research. I've also been doing some job searching for more roles with babies and expecting moms. I'm real serious about wanting to get some more experience. I want to be a labor and delivery nurse right out of nursing school (if possible), and I believe that if I start now then I will be a better candidate. :)
I am so ready to go to Massachusetts. I think I just need a few weeks out of this state. I want to go on adventures, and do things with my best friend. I want to clear my head, and just...go wild...respectively of course. I'm hoping that I can get off of work for 2 weeks. If I'm going to be up there, I might as well stay a while and get my feet wet...right? Well I guess the term would be to get my feet cold. I want to see NYC, and build a snowman. The simple stuff..ya know? More importantly is that I want to see Olivia. It has been so long. It isn't even funny.
The last thing I wanted to talk/vent about is the fact that I am a little scared. I feel like there is so much anxiety, and I don't know what to do. It's hard to open up about it on a blog, but I just feel closed and trap. I feel like I can't breathe. Ever get that feeling? Well I better get off here and stop blabbering on.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Drowned in confusion
Lately, I have had a change of heart when it comes to my future job plans. New factors set in that shouldn't neccicarily be factors. I'm trying to just concentrate on school, but lately all I can think about is the future. I feel like I know what I want in life, and that is not to be a doctor. The idea is nice, but there are certain factors that are making me not want to go all the way. For example, I want a family. I want to have children. Now, I am not saying that doctors can't have children, in fact I know they can. I don't want to be 30 and just start having kids, yet I don't want to be in med school and have to worry about being a mom during that time. Also, I want to have time for my kids. I don't want to have to worry about being on call all the time, and not being there. I don't want to miss their lives. My career isn't going to go above my family. How silly am I? Barely 21 and thinking about such things. I know I have to fall in love first and get married. It's just confusing, and it's annoying. What is even worse is that there is only one person I want to talk about this with, and I can't talk to them because I am not currently in communication with them. Yet I feel that that person has more pull on it than anything. I don't know what to do. I have decided to take a semester off of school. Don't worry, I will go back. haha I just need a semester to focus on me. I just want a semester off so I can work, and see what the future can hold. I'm getting really interested in Labor and Delivery, and maybe even being a nurse. Who knows. I just know that going to school is confusing things for me. So what will I be doing on this semester break? Work, Work, and more work.. I do plan on going to Massachusetts for 2 weeks at the first of the year to visit my best friend Olivia. Oli Olive I call her. Maybe I just need a change of pace for a while. I believe a trip up north will do the trick. I'm so lucky to have a friend like Olivia. She's always there when I need her. Plus I can be myself around her....even if I am totally goofy and dorky. I can also tell her my troubles and expect to hear good advice. She doesn't tear me down. So Oli, if you read this...thank you. You make things so much clearer. I'm hoping I will figure everything out soon, and I will make sure to keep posted on my process of thinking and decision. Who knows what this life has in store for me... who knows.
Friday, October 4, 2013
So ready for things to be back to normal
Things have been out of whack lately. After I wrote my blog about what I would tell my high school self, it really started to get me thinking. Do people really have the ability to change? It's hard for me to write this post. Recently I started talking to someone in my past. Everything was different than it was in high school. It was like he was a new person. I wonder if I was just blinded though. Cause now the more I think about it, he hadn't changed. Or had he? I don't know. Can you really know a person? I feel like I am being so naive about all of it. I can see what he is doing, yet I can't tell him to leave me alone. I hate when he talks to me. It's kind of like a band aid being ripped off. There is something that keeps me there though. I can't figure out what it is. I tell myself that if he texts me then I wont reply or I will say some comment to get him to leave me alone. I can't do it. Lately it had been getting easier. I was starting to finally heal because he wasn't talking to me. I told myself that it was finally time to let it go. Then last night he texted me. I felt so much anger and sadness, yet I also felt kinda happy. I just don't see how he can be so distant one minute, and then the next minute wanting to talk. It's such a whiplash. Being a girl isn't all what its cracked up to be. So much confusion. I just can't make sense of it all, and everyone is telling me something different. You should forget him, or maybe give him space. Some say he might be trying to focus on his career, and others say he's just being ridiculous. I wish these feelings would just go away. Thankfully, he is leaving for boot camp in a few days. That gives me a while to focus on me. I kinda just want him to forget about me. It wouldn't hurt my feelings. It would help to move on.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Something I would have told my teenage self
I have a feeling I have written this blog before. If I have, my apologies. I probably have a lot more to add though. So this might actually be a decent read. Now that I am in college I can see my younger family members in school. I went from being that high school girl, to rolling my eyes everytime I see one. I feel like they are all the same. Same drama, same bla bla bla. If only these girls knew. So I have a little advice for those girls.
1. Take a good long look at your friends. There is a great chance that they will not be your friends anymore once you hit college. I had a friend who was like a sister to me who I planned on living in an old home with. We had one fight, and then the friendship that I had built with her was gone. I lost plenty of friends. Also know that you will gain new friends in college. My mother says that if you have one true friend in life, then you are good to go. She is right. I am thankful to have a best friend who I have known since 7th grade. I also gained plenty of friends in college. Some of them have withered away, but I have my best friends at my side.
2. That jerk you loved in high school, will still be a jerk in college. This one should be self explanatory, but I feel like I should elaborate. He isn't going to change. If he does change, then congratulations you have one of the few that got a grip. Most still stay the same. I learnt this the hard way. Odds are if you didn't make it in high school, your just not going to make it. You might be blindsided with love, but you haven't experienced love yet. I don't think you can really experience love until someone loves you back. It's not a one sided event. You will play all these scenarios in your head that could have happened. You could have had that military wedding you dreamt about, or you could have had kids with that guy and live happily ever after. It's all a lie. I know it's hard, but you just have to move on to bigger and greater things.
3. Drama isn't cool, and it doesn't matter. You know what really matters? Good grades. So you can go to a good college, and not end up working at mcdonals and being poor. I'm telling you, once you start growing up, you will see that all the drama that occurs in high school is dumb and worthless. You also start to see how dumb teenagers are. I was recently at a high school game with my family. It had been my first one since graduating. I take one look at the student section and all I see is guys wearing overalls trying to act like hicks, and then guys with shorts on that are way to short. What is that going to get you in real life? Nowhere. It's okay to have fun and act goofy, but come on. Listening to your music all the way up and making out in front of people is untasteful. Trust me, us older people are watching. Your not invisible. Your not cool.
4. Have fun. High school is the time to grow, and to really find out where you want to go in life. Don't wait to the last minute, but don't forget to take a moment and enjoy life while you can. Once you hit the college and job level, it is not fun. Tuition and bills are not fun. There are so many things I wish I could have done in high school that I never got a chance to do. Like have pink or blue in my hair. There is no way I could get by with that now. So seriously...have fun, enjoy life. Join as many clubs as you can bear, and give them your all. Take risks and run for student president. Go over and beyond expectations and take your life by the horns. Do what makes you happy (but be tasteful about it). Oh and drinking and drugs...so not cool. Just don't do it. There are no benefits for it...so just don't. It isnt fun. It will just wreck everything.
5. Be nice to everyone. Don't be a bully. I know there are some strange people in the world, but odds are they can't help it. So if you see a friend being mean to them, repremend them. Tell them to lay off. Talk to the teased and make sure everyone feels welcome. High school is a drag (it really is), you don't want to be that one kid who is a dork and feels like you stand out. Talk to that kid, eat lunch with them. Do something. Don't let them hate their high school life. And if your one of those bullies out there who thinks it is okay to make someone feel inferior. Shame on you. You will be the reason they take their life, and their blood is on your hands. So just remember that. You are pushing that person beyond the breaking point. I was watching this movie on netflix called Bully. Their kid got told to hang himself, and that he was worthless. Who does that? Who would want someone to feel like that? If you are a parent reading this, make your kid watch that film. It is really inspiring.
I'm not trying to write this as a put down. I think high school was a fun time (for the most part). I was that dumb high school girl though. Now I just feel silly. So, talk to your kids about what they are going to expect. Tell them to have fun, but be tasteful. Tell them to enjoy life, but not to throw it away. Tell them to make mistakes, and to learn. I know I did.
1. Take a good long look at your friends. There is a great chance that they will not be your friends anymore once you hit college. I had a friend who was like a sister to me who I planned on living in an old home with. We had one fight, and then the friendship that I had built with her was gone. I lost plenty of friends. Also know that you will gain new friends in college. My mother says that if you have one true friend in life, then you are good to go. She is right. I am thankful to have a best friend who I have known since 7th grade. I also gained plenty of friends in college. Some of them have withered away, but I have my best friends at my side.
2. That jerk you loved in high school, will still be a jerk in college. This one should be self explanatory, but I feel like I should elaborate. He isn't going to change. If he does change, then congratulations you have one of the few that got a grip. Most still stay the same. I learnt this the hard way. Odds are if you didn't make it in high school, your just not going to make it. You might be blindsided with love, but you haven't experienced love yet. I don't think you can really experience love until someone loves you back. It's not a one sided event. You will play all these scenarios in your head that could have happened. You could have had that military wedding you dreamt about, or you could have had kids with that guy and live happily ever after. It's all a lie. I know it's hard, but you just have to move on to bigger and greater things.
3. Drama isn't cool, and it doesn't matter. You know what really matters? Good grades. So you can go to a good college, and not end up working at mcdonals and being poor. I'm telling you, once you start growing up, you will see that all the drama that occurs in high school is dumb and worthless. You also start to see how dumb teenagers are. I was recently at a high school game with my family. It had been my first one since graduating. I take one look at the student section and all I see is guys wearing overalls trying to act like hicks, and then guys with shorts on that are way to short. What is that going to get you in real life? Nowhere. It's okay to have fun and act goofy, but come on. Listening to your music all the way up and making out in front of people is untasteful. Trust me, us older people are watching. Your not invisible. Your not cool.
4. Have fun. High school is the time to grow, and to really find out where you want to go in life. Don't wait to the last minute, but don't forget to take a moment and enjoy life while you can. Once you hit the college and job level, it is not fun. Tuition and bills are not fun. There are so many things I wish I could have done in high school that I never got a chance to do. Like have pink or blue in my hair. There is no way I could get by with that now. So seriously...have fun, enjoy life. Join as many clubs as you can bear, and give them your all. Take risks and run for student president. Go over and beyond expectations and take your life by the horns. Do what makes you happy (but be tasteful about it). Oh and drinking and drugs...so not cool. Just don't do it. There are no benefits for it...so just don't. It isnt fun. It will just wreck everything.
5. Be nice to everyone. Don't be a bully. I know there are some strange people in the world, but odds are they can't help it. So if you see a friend being mean to them, repremend them. Tell them to lay off. Talk to the teased and make sure everyone feels welcome. High school is a drag (it really is), you don't want to be that one kid who is a dork and feels like you stand out. Talk to that kid, eat lunch with them. Do something. Don't let them hate their high school life. And if your one of those bullies out there who thinks it is okay to make someone feel inferior. Shame on you. You will be the reason they take their life, and their blood is on your hands. So just remember that. You are pushing that person beyond the breaking point. I was watching this movie on netflix called Bully. Their kid got told to hang himself, and that he was worthless. Who does that? Who would want someone to feel like that? If you are a parent reading this, make your kid watch that film. It is really inspiring.
I'm not trying to write this as a put down. I think high school was a fun time (for the most part). I was that dumb high school girl though. Now I just feel silly. So, talk to your kids about what they are going to expect. Tell them to have fun, but be tasteful. Tell them to enjoy life, but not to throw it away. Tell them to make mistakes, and to learn. I know I did.
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